Lockdown Home School – Day Seventeen

The wonder of home schooling knows no bounds. Today we’d an especially interesting lesson with an older class which taught the young ‘uns about melting ice caps. I take my hat off to David Attenborough, and commend myself internally for having introduced Cerberus and Medusa to his sonorous tones at an early age. Only the weekend past we closely studied wolves devouring a toddler deer. They were rapt. 

Video lessons can be hit or miss. More often a miss. Today however Cerberus put up not only with his tutorial on polar bear oblivion but sat through the telling of a story. My view on his abilities slithers around like a rhino on ice skates. Over the past four weeks I’ve gone from surprise at his depth of knowledge to disappointment at his plainly being stone deaf and a potential mental incapacitate. 

Big news for Scotland today though. I’d clearly missed the memo amidst the carnage that is current affairs, but we were apparently awaiting an announcement from our Chief Commissar, Mme Sturgeon, on whether schools would be reopening. I received some hopeful messages from chums but my working assumption has always been they’ll stay closed ’til Easter 2025.

A surprise then to be informed later Cerberus is indeed scheduled for a return to a real live teacher and actual classroom in late February. Scratch the story and there are c.50 caveats. I am working on the basis my estimate will be proven correct. 

Given my pessimism I’ve also started floating the notion of a private tutor. It suddenly dawned on me that even with our multiple interventions from teacher Mrs E and Cerberus’ new additional support, if he is placed in front of a blackboard he’s so far behind he could flop the year and be held back. I am sure other parents must share this sinking feeling but I’ve yet to hear them admit it face to face. 

Turns out looking for a private tutor is the equivalent today of obtaining liquor in 1920s USA. Like all wise parents there is no way Mrs M or I are going to post publicly on social media regarding our plight. Social outcasting is a secondary concern to the distinct possibility the local Stasi will appear on our doorstep and arrest us. Welcome to Scotland 2021. 

Instead I work my way round the proprietors of local village shops, asking my favourites what they’ve heard about home school rescue measures. Turns out its rather a good business to be in at the moment. I leave with several scraps of paper with names and additional promises to mention it to the said local education Resistance when they drop by for their cigars. 

It does lead me to the conclusion that despite us all being gaslit by government normal life finds it’s own way to survive. In this case it involves us all skulking about ferrying our children into private tutors’ homes. 

A sad time to be alive maybe but on the other hand we all know the Resistance are the ones to commend later on. If I remember correctly those being resisted met a rather more heinous fate.

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